Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Funny facts about me... by Cody

Sometimes when you forget who you are, it's good to have someone who really knows... remind you.

At least nine interesting facts about Tava (also some precautions) by Cody

1) 4 out of 5 doctors would put her in a psych ward--the other guy is not really a doctor.

2) If personality is a sapling, Tava is an oak.

3) Tava likes gold and silver because they're a pinch try tinfoil.

4) She learned to talk from a sailor in a panama city hump-hump bar.

5) Tava can cook anything without a recipe, yet never the same thing twice.

6) If Tava complains, she is likely moments from the emergency room.

7) The song 'wind beneath my wings' is terrible and has nothing to do with her.

8) Tava puts everyone at ease, unless she is out.

9) Tava could be a professional anything, as long as it only required a 40-45 second attention span.

10) She once stood in for the wife of the prime minister of Paraguay and even the PM didn't realize it.

11) More people casually tell Tava she is gorgeous than other other girl west of Kentucky, but it's all just part of an elaborate real-estate scheme.

12) No matter how cold it is in Antarctica, Tava's hair is an effective oven.

13) Tava has trouble remembering the 134th digit of Pi.

14) She is devoutly moral and intelligent, but has a tendency to falter and watch FoxNews.

15) Tava is confused why the wadded up $5 bill in her bra wasn't accepted at the Korean market.

16) Tava once threw rotten pears at Tom Daschle and only felt a little bad.

17) Every once in a while, Tava could use a good cigarette, even though she has never smoked.

18) Because of several years of home-schooling, Tava cannot differentiate between "mac and cheese" and "tortellini".

19) Tava loves a good book, especially one that will occupy M and O for an entire morning.

20) The phrase "fight fire with fire" can be attributed to merchants in Beijing struggling to keep up with her nearly Jewish bartering skills.

21) Tava is safe for kids- 7 active ingredients with all natural preservatives.

22) She will halt the launch of her missile in exchange for oil, rice and a good merlot.

23) In celebration of Dominican Independence day, a special edition of Tava
should be on the shelves this Christmas.

24) Tava is not responsible for daylight savings, and she always sets her watch to Swaziland local time--just in case of an emergency.

25) If you rearrange the letters of Tava’s full name you get- “Jumbalaya stained my left nipple”…trust me on that one.

Thursday, April 9, 2009