Saturday, October 17, 2009

I smell money.

The smell of money is fascinating to me. I'm not talking about the grimy $10 bill, crumpled in a pocket or the wad of ones caressingly slipped into "Velvet's" g-string. I'm talking money with a capital M. For me, distinguishing the unique and individual scents that comprise its smell is done in a similar fashion to distinguishing the fragrances of a full-bodied red wine. Just as I slowly inhale the rich scent of a deep merlot and am able to pick out its distinct hints of oak, grapes and nuts, I am able to close my eyes and identify some of the individual and complicated aromas that together become the smell of money.

Arriving at a girls' night out last night a little early, I found myself sitting and waiting at a rather upscale restaurant and thinking to myself, "I smell money." I knew the smell in an instant and immediately closed my eyes and began to recall other times I had the same olfactory experience. Inhale....leather. Leather bags, leather shoes, leather belts, leather wallets and leather interiors. Inhale....Chanel. No. 5, Mademoiselle, Coco and Allure. Inhale...meat. Prime rib, fillet mignon, Kobe, shrimp and lobster. Inhale....insecurity. Not having the newest one, the best one, the most coveted one. Inhale...exhaustion. Working, blood, sweat and tears, for what? Inhale.....emptiness. Buying, collecting, hoarding things that will not withstand the test of time. Inhale....jealousy. Of colleagues, ex's, trophy wives, friends and enemies.

It was last night it occurred to me the smell of money and the smell of wine share a commonness... a wonderfully, delicious aroma with bitter and fermented undertones.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Strange Relationship

"You're such a part of who I am,
please don't disappear," you say
But you're the one who always vanishes
and goes so far away.

And again I stand in disbelief,
holding broken heart in hand.
Bleeding, wrestling, racking my mind
trying to understand.

Your love and our connection draw me in,
not just part, but all.
But as quickly as you come, you go
before you have chance to fall.

Time after time and page after page
we do this very dance,
Who we are stays in place, the change?
our circumstance.

And now that we've nowhere to go,
your safety net's in place.
You know you will never give in to the need,
you will always have your space.

I'll never be "the one" for here,
now something I know for sure,
But this masochistic addiction I have,
remains without a cure.

So I'll soak and bask in every second we have,
until you suddenly grow cold.
And then again I'll patiently wait
for "forever" to unfold.

But this time when you leave,
and I know you will,
Please run fast and far and then
run further still.

And with you take my memory
of every loving tragedy
and all the promises you kept or broke
and all the passion you felt or spoke.

And when my heart heals again,
and I begin anew,
Congratulations...I'll continue being Mrs. Him
while she'll go on being Mrs. You.