Wednesday, May 25, 2011

357: Fenced in...revisited

Ok-I thought that a photo a day was a lofty goal....but apparently it is an unachievable goal and the attempt at a photo every week to ten days would be a much better goal. Honestly. I don't how people do it.... maybe I'll just take a picture of the mound of laundry that remains a mound no matter how many loads I do and just post that every third day or so.... that really would be the most accurate representation of my life... nah, not really.

But on to today's photo. If you read my blog regularly, you'll remember "Fenced in..." it's about sparkly lip gloss and my commitment issues....mostly the latter. After actually typing out all of those things that make me feel fenced in, I realized how many there were.... actually, it was the fact that hours after I posted, my mind was going crazy thinking of all of the others that I had forgotten to add and that most of the ones you added also made me feel fenced in (Thanks a lot for that.) Then I thought that if I added to the list, I'd look even more I left them off and decided to really look my commitment issues squarely in the eye and see which of us would blink first. It turns out that I blinked first, but in my defense I have very dry eyes.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present my first attempt at breaking down my fence (or my defense if I'm going to be honest)... I got Isabelle some new digs! Izzy B., as I've come to call her, is happy and thriving in my care and even comes to the surface to greet me... Jay says I can't prove this, but I know in my heart that this is what she is doing. But most of all, she's still alive...

So take that. (That was said to no one in particular... I just thought it should be said.)

Friday, May 20, 2011

362: Friendship

I've been having girl drama caused by insecurity (mine mostly) this past week. Jay says that I'm a "dude chick" because I don't get caught up in what he thinks "typical women" get caught up in and I take that as a huge compliment. But I got wound up and started spinning out of control and thought that I lost a friend. And I was devastated. So devastated in fact, that I realized where some of my commitment issues stem from. If you don't invest, you don't get hurt.

I've had this card for years and years...around 20 years, if I'm recalling correctly, and I look at it more often than you can a reminder I guess.

As life has carried on, I've added a few to this list, of what real friends are or do or allow...things like, don't get mad at you for drunk dialing them in the middle of the night, they tell you if you have something in your teeth, tell you truth in love when you're wrong, listen as you trail on and on about the same thing in your past that you can't shake, make you food when you're pregnant, and they don't dump you the minute someone tells them to, you know, stuff like that. They love you no-matter-what, even when you're spinning out of control in a whirlwind of insecurity. And the friend that I thought I had lost is all of these things and more.... And I'm so thankful.

Let me be deserving of friends like this and let me strive to BE a friend like this.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

363: My other car isn't a minivan...

So this is my other car....a Polaris RZR. The girls and I go everywhere in it (and the dog sometimes) and we all love it, love it, LOVE IT! The wind and sun all around like the freedom of a motorcycle, but the girls get to enjoy it too. And we took it to Sedona a couple of weekends back.... whoever coined the statement, "There's no place like home," MUST live there and drive one of these...

Hotty husband and sweet little daughters sold separately...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

39 and counting...down. (364)

Alright, lots to discuss... But not now... too tired... out of control with the (...) and this could easily turn into rants and ravings that would make little sense to you and less sense to me when I go back to read this in the morning. I turned 39. Just like that. No fireworks. No parade. No Mariachi band. I'll get more into the birthday recap later, but I wanted to get started on my 365 in pictures. My friend Kristen did this last year and I thoroughly enjoyed looking at her year in pictures as it progressed every day, and since this is the last year of my 30s maybe this will hold me accountable to making it a memorable one.

So to start off, here are a few...

First of all, you wanna get completely overlooked and pretty much shafted on your birthday? Try sharing it with this little princess (who just turned 5)...

She's an attention hog to say the least...reminds me of someone I know... However, let it be a testament to how much I love her that I spent 3 *hours* in Chuck E. Cheese which is easily one of my top 5 least favorite places on earth. This one had freshly shampooed carpets with the cleaning agent a definite and unfortunate mixture of panther urine, sweaty socks and burning hair... ugh. She had a ball... and that's what's important, right? Well that, current vaccinations and anti-bacterial wipes.....

When I think back on my 39th birthday, I will happily recall FLOWERS!!! And coconut cake... and gourmet cupcakes! I haven't had this many flowers in my house since my brush with death back in 2005. (Thank you to all of you who sent me flowers in 2005 to show they were happy that I didn't die...meant a lot.) I don't recall enjoying flowers more than this birthday!

And then there's my favorite little 5-year-old who woke up this morning, climbed in bed with me and told me that since she was now 5, she would very much like to make my bed for me and wear my jewelry. And throughout the day requested that we sing, "Happy Birthday" to her just to practice for later on with the cake.

So here I am... midnight on the first day of my 39th year. Over tired. Over sugared. Over birthdayed. Over Chuck E. Cheesed. But thankful. Always thankful. And excited to see what 39 brings. Happy Birthday to me. :)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

The most thankless gift...

I'm a mom. It's been almost five years now since I've become a mom...and yet, when I type it or say it, it still sounds foreign somehow. I decided to wait until I was a little older to have kids so that I would (theoretically) be wiser and more patient and more mature, but considering I'm five years into this, and I still like video games, sparkly lip gloss, have licorice for dinner sometimes and don't have the patience to let my finger nails dry, I'm not sure that waiting was the best strategy. But somehow I manage...

My Mama and I welcoming M. Rhapsody into the world.

Sometimes, "managing" means being awake, alert and completely sober for the entire day. Other times it means spending all day at home playing dress-up and dividing my acting skills between the roles of Prince, Patrice the store-keeper, Ursula the sea witch and a variety of other characters that really do challenge my improvisational talents. Other times, it means getting dirty and sticky outside, chasing critters, sampling various desert flora and fauna, singing in the rain or searching to find the end of a rainbow. And sometimes, "managing" is me acting as a chauffeur, referee and EMT to two small (yet surprisingly strong and fierce) people who cannot seem to understand the concepts of sharing and not using the other as a chew toy or punching bag. (In a scuffle, my money's on the little one that wrong to say? Well, wrong or right, if you're smart, that's where your money should go too.)

M. was so much easier to mother than to grow.

Being a mom is amazing. And tiring. And overwhelming. And joyous. And frustrating. And challenging. And trying. And unbelievable. And so so much more. I teach and learn, listen and play and discipline and encourage. I shout and sing and spank and tickle and repeat, repeat, repeat...REPEAT...until I don't think I can repeat again....and then I repeat. I wonder how I'm doing. A lot. I read about how to be a good mom. I ask the good moms that I know what they do. I pray and look for the answers in the Bible. I look into each of my little girls brown eyes for as long as they'll let me, searching for the questions that will, tomorrow... in a decade, in some futile attempt to prepare myself. I know in ways I succeed and I know in ways I fail miserably. But my highest hope is that I can somehow do for my little ladies what the mom of one of my most treasured besties did for her... "she painted the landscape of my life with wide brush strokes of faith, grace, hope and love." And if I don't or can't, well, that's why I'm already saving up for their therapy....

Little Orion Jai, born in South Korea but due on American Independence Day...the happiest baby I've met.

There are so many things about being a mother that I don't know. And so many I'll never know. But here are a few things about being a mother I know for sure. Being a mom means putting your selfishness and your own needs away...being ready for everything you're ready for and everything you're your love, your patience, all of your best stuff and your pocket money... sacrificing time for your husband, your friends and often times a shower in order to cater to your child's wants, needs and demands. I love my little lady bugs so very much. And I consider motherhood a gift. These girls have opened my eyes, my mind and my heart to so many new and exciting things. But there are times.... many times, that my job as their mom is very, very thankless. But believe me when I say, that I've never received a more thankless gift that I am more thankful for.

Orion and I


Thursday, May 5, 2011

Say Whats? and Sweet Nothings.

Ok- so, I should have started this up a LONG TIME ago because... well, because kids (and husbands) say the darndest things... so for the kids, it'll be

Say What? (Or say "wuuuuuut" if you're my friend Kristen.)

Mom. I wanna be just like you when I grow up.
Oh, well that's sweet M. if you were just like me what would you do?
I would laugh all the time and drink Diet Coke.

Hmmm, well, I wouldn't say that I do either one of those ALL of the time, nor would I say for certain that the two of those aren't mutually exclusive...

*I startled the girls the other day in the car.... (not by my road-rage or my driving...geez people, take the white wigs off for cryin' out loud).

Oh Mom. You just scared me to death!
Well, you scared me to TEXAS!

Death.... Texas.... eh, Tomato. Tomaahto if you ask me....

*M. and Orion are sitting down to a grilled cheese sandwich and M. inquires...

Mom. ("Mom." is always a sentence to her. Mom *stop* begin statement, request, demand...) Can boys eat "girl cheese sandwiches" too?

*M. has a crush on "The Rock" or Wayne Johnson, Dwayne Johnson....whatever. I'm actually too lazy to switch tabs and find out... I think I've given adequate clues anyway.... So, we're watching The Tooth Fairy, a movie in which he stars. (It's pretty cute and suitable for children FYI.)

Mom. *stop* He is sooooo handsome.... too bad you already have a prince. (That's what she calls Jay...or any one's husband for that matter.) If you didn't have a prince already, you could kiss him. Well, Mom. He doesn't have a princess, so actually even though you have a prince you could kiss him.
And that my dear sweet girl, is what we call a loophole. Good eye....good eye.....

I don't want to bore you and make you read a billion things my kids say, so I'll put these out a few at a time. I think they are hilarious and that my kids are adorable, but I also realize that you have better things to do with your time.... so, since you're gonna be like that, I'll just move on to the next part.

The next segment is what I refer to as "Sweet Nothings." I am a words person, the person with whom I've chosen to spend the next 40 years with not. This one little differential makes for some very notable...

Sweet Nothings:

When we were dating.... He takes a $20 out of his pocket and says, "I have 20 bucks and I'm not afraid to spend the whole thing on you..."

When I asked him if he still liked to kiss me after 10 years... "If I didn't like to kiss you, I wouldn't do it... You should know me well enough to know that by now."

"Women are such suck-ups...they always go overboard with their compliments to you.... You're beautiful Tava, but you don't look 28."

"I don't know why I have to say, 'I love you,' all the time.... I meant it the very first time I told you and nothing's changed."

When I offered him a magazine to read while waiting or to just visit... "No thanks, I'd like to just be left alone with my thoughts."

"How much longer do I have to pretend to be interested in this conversation before we can have sex?"

After seeing WICKED, when I asked what he thought.... "Well Tava, you know me. I'm a man of few words, who likes to get to the point... so more than someone jabbering on and on... there are a bunch of people singing on and on and on... Let's just say I was ready for them to just get to the point." (And that's 100 bucks I'll never get back... And this is after he gathered his things to leave at intermission because he thought it was over.... thank the good Lord that to my left was my sweet, kindred spirit words girl, Tennille, who teared up with me during Defying Gravity and leaned over and whispered... "You and me, we're gonna write something great one day.")

And those are just a few of the sweet little things he says, that at just the right times....make me fall in love with him all. over. again.

So...I know you must have some too... any Say Whats? or Sweet Nothings. you'd like to share with the class?