The most thankless gift...

I'm a mom. It's been almost five years now since I've become a mom...and yet, when I type it or say it, it still sounds foreign somehow. I decided to wait until I was a little older to have kids so that I would (theoretically) be wiser and more patient and more mature, but considering I'm five years into this, and I still like video games, sparkly lip gloss, have licorice for dinner sometimes and don't have the patience to let my finger nails dry, I'm not sure that waiting was the best strategy. But somehow I manage...


My Mama and I welcoming M. Rhapsody into the world.

Sometimes, "managing" means being awake, alert and completely sober for the entire day. Other times it means spending all day at home playing dress-up and dividing my acting skills between the roles of Prince, Patrice the store-keeper, Ursula the sea witch and a variety of other characters that really do challenge my improvisational talents. Other times, it means getting dirty and sticky outside, chasing critters, sampling various desert flora and fauna, singing in the rain or searching to find the end of a rainbow. And sometimes, "managing" is me acting as a chauffeur, referee and EMT to two small (yet surprisingly strong and fierce) people who cannot seem to understand the concepts of sharing and not using the other as a chew toy or punching bag. (In a scuffle, my money's on the little one though...is that wrong to say? Well, wrong or right, if you're smart, that's where your money should go too.)


M. was so much easier to mother than to grow.

Being a mom is amazing. And tiring. And overwhelming. And joyous. And frustrating. And challenging. And trying. And unbelievable. And so so much more. I teach and learn, listen and play and discipline and encourage. I shout and sing and spank and tickle and repeat, repeat, repeat...REPEAT...until I don't think I can repeat again....and then I repeat. I wonder how I'm doing. A lot. I read about how to be a good mom. I ask the good moms that I know what they do. I pray and look for the answers in the Bible. I look into each of my little girls brown eyes for as long as they'll let me, searching for the questions that will come...today, tomorrow... in a decade, in some futile attempt to prepare myself. I know in ways I succeed and I know in ways I fail miserably. But my highest hope is that I can somehow do for my little ladies what the mom of one of my most treasured besties did for her... "she painted the landscape of my life with wide brush strokes of faith, grace, hope and love." And if I don't or can't, well, that's why I'm already saving up for their therapy....



Little Orion Jai, born in South Korea but due on American Independence Day...the happiest baby I've met.

There are so many things about being a mother that I don't know. And so many I'll never know. But here are a few things about being a mother I know for sure. Being a mom means putting your selfishness and your own needs away...being ready for everything you're ready for and everything you're not...giving your love, your patience, all of your best stuff and your pocket money... sacrificing time for your husband, your friends and often times a shower in order to cater to your child's wants, needs and demands. I love my little lady bugs so very much. And I consider motherhood a gift. These girls have opened my eyes, my mind and my heart to so many new and exciting things. But there are times.... many times, that my job as their mom is very, very thankless. But believe me when I say, that I've never received a more thankless gift that I am more thankful for.

Orion and I

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!